


red desert

by nothange



Series: red desert [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Explicit Sexual Content, Gags, Handcuffs, M/M, Porn With Plot, eren wants to experiment something new
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-13
Updated: 2021-01-13
Packaged: 2021-03-17 20:07:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,466
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28730925
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nothange/pseuds/nothange
Summary: “We’re going straight to it, right?”He paused, looking at him up and down with gripping attention. “Yes. But I have a condition.”Eren tilted his head to the side, “What is it?”Levi looked back at him, steading their gazes. “No kissing, not even in the scenes.”His eyes widened, letting out a short huff through his lips. “I can manage that with no problem.”
Relationships: Levi/Eren Yeager
Series: red desert [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2106204
Comments: 9
Kudos: 116





	red desert

Eren hadn’t expected the party. 

Historia called him barely an hour prior, saying her and Ymir are throwing a party to celebrate Ymir’s new raise at her job. It's not a bad thing that it _is_ happening; he’s always been the person to take the opportunity of having fun whenever it was in his reach. It’s just that the mention of it was too sudden, so much that he barely had any time to prepare for what he’s going to wear, which in any other circumstance shouldn’t be a problem, but Jean is invited too—because of course he is. Last time at another party together, they both ended up wearing the same shirts and throughout the whole night both tried to stain the other’s clothes with their drinks, just in blind and drunken irritation. Eren doesn’t want another ruined shirt, or Mikasa nagging him for long hours the next day; but he still wants to wear something Jean won’t be able to top. 

He looks quickly in the mirror, bending the crease at the base of his green hoodie and tucking the loose strands of hair behind his ear before he takes his phone and exits the door. He's in a hurry, already ten minutes late, and as if nudging the knowledge of it more into his face, he sees Levi from the corner of his eyes already waiting by his own door, arms folded over his chest, holding a heavy expression. He huffs, picking out his keys from his pocket as he locks the door. “You could’ve left without me, you know?” 

It's sort of their own thing, living next to each other, which resulted in going out together whenever the whole group meets up. It's something both Eren and Levi are accustomed to already, but it doesn’t change the fact that some days it feels more like an obligation than free will. 

Levi shrugs as he turns around to face him, pushing himself away from the wall. “Historia expects both of us to come together. And Mikasa would’ve fired a ton of questions if I went alone.” Which isn’t wrong in the slightest, with Mikasa’s motherly-overprotective way and Historia believing they're the best of friends since collage. In reality, Eren knows he wouldn’t be capable of keep his anger in check if they were to ever spend more than a whole day together. And it’s not that Levi hates him, or that Eren despites spending his free time with the other—it’s just that Levi is too hard around the edges, and Eren has too short self-restraint to wait for him to open up. 

He starts walking towards the stairs when his phone buzzes in his pocket. Levi sighs ahead of him but stops to wait for him, slumping against the wall again. “It’s Historia.” he says, reading the name on his screen. Levi turns his head towards him, his eyes still squinted as if he’s just been woken up. 

“Maybe she’s wondering why you take hours to put on some pants.” 

Eren ignores him, rolling his eyes as he answers the call. “We’re just on our way, it won’t be long. Maybe fifteen minutes.” It would’ve been ten if Eren were driving, but Levi is the only one who owns a car, and he made it very clear from the start that Eren would never drive it in his place, not even over his dead body. And Levi, unlike him, does follow the law rules; which means he never steps over 70, much to Eren’s distain. 

Historia makes an absent hum. Around her are voices speaking over each other loudly with the dull background music sounding as if it’s coming out muffled from a radio speaker. “That’s fine.” she says, “Listen, Eren, do you have any ice?” 

“Ice?” Eren repeats frowning. He turns around from the stairs, leaning up against the wall himself as he listens. “Why, did something happen?” 

“Yes,” she says and then rushes in before Eren could get the wrong idea. “Not as in someone getting hurt, though. Ymir bought a lot of beer and well, I made a cake, you know? So, we don’t really have enough place for all the cans, and we can’t let them get hot either. We don’t have any ice left, and I wondered whether you or Levi have some, considering you’re both on your way still.” 

Eren lowered his phone from the ear, speaking over his shoulder at Levi, who’s been watching his back the whole time, a thin frown on his forehead. “Do you have ice?” he asked, watching as Levi’s eyebrows raised slowly off his forehead. 

“Yes?” 

“Great.” he returned to the call, walking towards Levi’s apartment. “Levi has some. We'll take it now and come to you.” 

“Thank you!” Historia said relieved, ending the call with someone shouting on the other end, and Historia’s laughter erupting from the speakers. Eren shut his phone and put it back in his pocket, turning to look at Levi, his head tilting towards the door. 

“She said we need ice.” he explained, waiting for the other to start walking towards his way. 

“I figured.” Levi said as he pushed himself off the wall and fished for his keys, opening his door, and stepping in directly towards the kitchen, not waiting for Eren to get through. “Don’t touch anything.” he snapped from the other room, just as Eren closed the door behind him, creating a soft cling as it came shut. 

“I don’t have germs,” he shouted enough so Levi would hear, walking towards the living room area to wait on the couch. 

Levi's house, like the rest of the other parts in his personal life, is a complete mystery to him, and to anyone else around their friends' group (except for Historia, because no one would ever dare restraining something from her). Aside from her however, the rest of them had seen only the living room and kitchen. Being his next-door neighbor had never served as a golden ticket into Levi’s house, and even though Levi had never forbidden their presence inside, they all know how much of a cleaning freak Levi would get over the smallest speck of dust. 

Eren had learned it on his own skin one night visiting, when he spilled his wine glass on his new carpet. The scarier thing about all of it was the other’s calm voice as he said he’d mop the stain with Eren’s own head if he didn’t took care of it as soon as he could. Keeping themselves from any other side of Levi’s house seemed to be the better action to secure everyone’s heads and the state of Levi’s carpets. 

However, the house resemblances his own being part of the same complex, so Eren doesn’t have to explore Levi’s house to know its outlines. It some way, it feels like home, even though something about Levi’s house seems colder and lonelier than his own—weirder, to some regard. Yet that doesn’t mean he can’t find the same comfort he has in his own living room. 

He leans into the back on the couch, spreading his feet along the floor as he looks up at the high and wide bookshelf that covers the whole wall. It's huge, and while his is filled with pictures and board or video games, Levi has it all packed with books from different ages and varieties, looking like a personal library from afar. He isn’t even half sure whether Levi had found the time to read all of them, though admittedly it wouldn’t surprise him if he _had._

Eren gets up and walks towards the bookshelf, turning around a large book with blue cover in his hands. He flicks through its pages, pausing to read a section about a girl growing two spinal cords on her back when he hears Levi calling for him from the kitchen, his voice grave and resonating through the whole area with force. 

“Eren could you grab my phone from the bedroom? I think I forgot it there. Again, don’t touch anything else.” 

Eren snorts, keeping himself from saying that would’ve meant they would’ve needed to come back anyway. Instead, he places the book back in its place and heads towards Levi’s bedroom at the end of the hall. It's easy to find, the door having even the same model as his own, yet the moment he opens it wide, he realizes that must be the only thing their bedrooms have in common. 

Levi's bedroom has dark walls painted in black, who must cover it from the sun even when it’s high up into the skies. It's completely different from his own peach-colored wallpapers, and seeing it makes him take cautious steps ahead. The bed is large, double sized and filling in the most of the room, which isn’t fair considering Eren has to struggle with his one-sized bed that’s become too small for him in the span of the last five years he’s been living here. On the opposite wall from the bed is a large closet with gliding doors, taking up the whole length, and on the wall to the right stands another, smaller cabinet. Eren looks between the two, frowning at the relatively large size of the both of them—they can’t be filled with clothes; Levi is not a shopping addict. It doesn’t fit his character, even someone who doesn’t spend a lot of time around of him like Eren would know that. 

It doesn’t really matter however, as long as Levi isn’t hiding any bodies or skeletons in his closet, Eren has no business of finding out. He walks further, finding the phone on the cabinet but as he’s ready to grab it and leave, something underneath it catches his eyes. It looks like metal, poking from the first drawer and being attached to something that resemblances the belts of chains. Eren frowns, hand over the phone still but hovering there as if debating whether to shut the drawer or pull it open. He looks over his shoulder at the half-closed door, hearing the movement from the kitchen, and Eren sets his lips into a grin as he tugs on the handle to reveal whatever the item is. What it _is,_ however, is nothing Eren would’ve expected to find in Levi’s house. The pair of chained metals are handcuffs, dangling from the lip of the drawer as if shoved there in a rush. Around them, the other items are lined and organized by their height it seems, though Eren doesn’t really know what he’s looking at until the familiar shape of a vibrator catches his eye in the corner of the drawer. His eyes widen, mouth hanging open and fingers frozen over the handle and he stares down at the cabinet, fearing to opening it wider or look into the other drawers below. 

He feels his cheeks flushing with a vibrant blush, coursing down onto the back of his neck. His chest tightens, the inside of his stomach turning with fleeting aches the longer he tries to make sense of these—of anything of the sort taking place in Levi’s bedroom. 

_Levi is a kinky bastard,_ is all Eren can think over and over again as he lets it sink in, and the sudden realization of finding out this secret makes it hard for him to focus on anything else besides his vision. 

He doesn’t hear when Levi calls for him from the kitchen, or when he starts walking his way to the bedroom to check on him. It's only when Levi says “Eren,” from the foot of the door that he comes back to his senses and swings around in panic, closing the drawer shut with his hip and leaning into it to cover any evidence of it ever being opened. 

Levi is looking at where his hip meets the furniture, his stare hard and darkened, eyes a bit too wide than he’s comfortable with seeing. “What were you doing?” he asks, changing his gaze up at him. 

Eren swallows around a bile of air, making a greater effort to shrug his shoulders than it’s needed to. “Nothing?” he said, cursing himself for how much that sounded like a question. 

Levi takes a step forwards and Eren’s muscles start to ache, his chest tightening uncontrollably and heartbeat pumping sharp in his ears. Levi stops however, halts as he looks Eren up and down, and that alone sends involuntary chills down his spine, makes his prediction of Levi being a protentional criminal less improbable. 

“You haven’t seen anything.” Levi says to him, focusing his eyes back on his own. “Forget about it. And let’s go already, we’re twenty minutes late now.” he turns around and walks off, voice still unshaking as he talked yet shoulders visibly stiff, and Eren is almost tempted to open the drawer again just to be sure he hadn’t mistaken those toys for cleaning supplies. 

Instead, he jerks away from the closet and rushes through the door, passing by Levi with his head down and speeding up down the stairs without waiting for the other to lock the door. He stands by the car with his back turned around, waiting for the doors to open so he could slide right into the backseat. Inside the car itself, the atmosphere felt suffocating; Eren sits silently, which is a first, keeping his eyes firmly preoccupied with the streets as they pass them by. Levi, while he doesn’t _look_ like it, is clearly perturbed by what had happened earlier as well, Eren can feel it radiating from himself, can see it in the white-knuckled grip he has around the steering wheel. 

He drives fast, which is a first for Levi’s case, and the radio is kept on at a higher volume, even though it does nothing to swallow the deadly silence they’re buried under. Eren doesn’t even realizes he’s been gripping Levi’s phone in a death-hold until he finally unclenches his fingers from it to open the door, fingers sweaty and clammy around the handle. He leans over and drops it in the passenger seat, walking out the car before Levi could say anything and rushing to Historia’s house by himself. 

And even though Levi told him to forget, Eren knows that’s impossible. And looking at Levi the same from now on would be impossible as well. 

✦✧✦ 

Considering that he’s finally in the heart of the party, Eren thought something might grasp his attention back to the real world. Maybe the food that Historia worked on since the morning, maybe the cold beers Ymir had bought—maybe even Jean, his whole presence being a whole disturbance to the whole room. 

And yet none of these, not even Jean’s loud mouth, couldn’t make him turn his thoughts away from Levi and his cabinet. There were so many other things he didn’t get to see, buried deep into the drawer. He wonders whether the other drawers beneath it are also filled with the same things, or maybe fresh bed sheets and cleaning supplies—Levi must have some special products to clean afterwards, the whole thing seems too messy to be any of Levi’s liking. Which is even more strange why he _does_ like it, why Levi owns so many sexual toys in his drawer. 

Eren swirls his can of beer in hand, leaning against the couch’s backrest and staring mindlessly at the tv screen. He doesn’t know what movie is playing, hasn’t paid attention to it since he’d realized the tv was open. He doesn’t even acknowledge Jean as he sits next to him, plunging into the couch with so much force that half of the popcorn gets thrown all over the floor. He's saying something, and for the first time Eren is glad he can’t focus on anything else to listen to what he has to say. 

“Are you stoned or something?” comes Jean’s voice, too close to his ear, and Eren turns around to push him away when his eyes raise above the other side of the room and land on Levi. It's the first time they look at each other ever since they went in separately, and it seems like Levi’s dark shades from his eyes haven’t yet completely cleared. 

The other is resting in a chair, legs crossed one over the other with a glass in one of his hands, holding it steadily over his knee. His other arm is hung over the back of the chair, leaning into a position as if he can’t decide whether to lean back or get back up on his feet. Their eyes meet, and Eren feels a sudden chill when Levi narrows his eyes back at him, frown pulled low over his face. 

In a sharp move, he averts his eyes and gets off the couch, walking towards the kitchen to steal another bite of the cake. He feels Levi’s eyes on his back for a short while, burning deep in his neck, and frankly he isn’t even sure what Levi is thinking—whether he’s afraid Eren would spill the details of what he’s seen if he gets too drunk or he’s angered by the fact that Eren’s found out the real skeletons from his closet. _Both_ , maybe. 

Mikasa is approaching him when he steps into the kitchen, her frown full of worry as she sets her hands on his shoulders. “Eren, are you alright? You don’t look too great, want me to take you home?” she asks, and she’s sweet, really; too caring at some times, but Eren doesn’t want to go home. There’s only one wall separating his bedroom from Levi’s, and Eren knows that when he’ll get home, the visual of his bedroom even though not similar in any way with Levi’s like the rest of their houses will play with his thoughts until he passes out. 

He shakes his head, fitting in against the table and the counter as he cuts himself another slice of cake. Ymir watches him from the other side, her head prompted in her palm. She's wearing a birthday hat even though it’s not her birthday party, and on the front of the hat are 50 ¥ taped with scotch, at least symbolizing the meaning of their celebration. “Why don’t both you and Levi go home by now? It's clear that you both don’t function as you normally do.” she says around the flesh of her chicken wing, and Eren freezes as he brings a spoonful to his mouth. 

Historia lunges over the table to give her a slap over her shoulder, “Don’t shoo my friends away, Ymir.” she said sternly, which earned a slight nod from the other woman, though her eyes stayed fierce on Eren’s own, as if searching for an answer in his body language. And yet with how many thoughts and conflicting feelings Eren is currently having, finding an answer in Ymir’s style wouldn’t be easy at all. 

“Has that short thing done anything to you?” Mikasa asks next to him, her hand coming around his arm in a tight grip. Eren forces the piece of cake into his mouth, snatching his arm away from her as he steps away. 

“Nothing happened, I’m just tired.” he said, taking the plate with him as he walks back into the living room. 

His seat was taken by Armin in the meantime, who’s talking animatedly with Jean by his side, his head pillowed into the cushions behind him as he laughs. His whole face is red, even to the tips of his ears which means he’s already beyond tipsy. Eren had always disliked the idea of drunk Armin in close vicinity with an also drunk Jean—he’d disliked the idea of them becoming friendlier along the years from the start, though there’s not enough energy in him to act on it now. He looks around for another place to sit in, but the only free seat is the chair right next to Levi, who’s watching to movie now instead of keeping an eye for when he’ll come back. 

Eren huffs, taking one of the cushions Armin is standing on and placing it on the floor where he sits with his legs crossed. Armin stops talking, interrupted by his intervention, and seeing the other at the foot of the couch, he leans with his full body towards him, pressing his palm into the crock of Eren’s shoulder. He chooses to ignore him, especially when Jean starts tugging him back to safe him from toppling over on the floor, instead stabbing his spoon into the cream of the cake and staring at the tv as if burning holes into it would help him focus on the action of the movie. 

It'll be a long night, one he’s sure won’t end with him and Levi being in the same car on the way back. 

✦✧✦ 

Eren can’t fall asleep. It’s been more than three hours since he’s got home; Levi is home for about five, having left the party midway with no excuse and no intention of asking him if he’d like a ride. Though Eren has to admit it would’ve been pointless, he would’ve turned the offer down immediately, which would’ve surely made it clear that something is indeed wrong—Eren would never turn down a free ride. 

With Levi gone it was easier to loosen up. The drinks and food were tasting even better, sweeter, and Jean’s voice became clear enough to awaken him from his state and act like he normally does. And yet now that he’s back home, in his bedroom and with only a wall separating him from Levi’s own bedroom, Eren can’t even shut an eye without thinking that if he turns on his side, the black cabinet will be right _there,_ like an omen of fate. 

It's been on his mind for the whole day now, incapable to get rid of the memory even for a moment, which is most unnerving when he knows it’s the longest period he’s ever had Levi in his mind. But still it’s not something to brush away so easily, not when Eren lives right next door and everything Levi had done on the other side of the wall could’ve been heard if Eren paid more attention or lowered the volume on his headphones. 

Levi is, for a better word—weird. He is coolheaded and harsh, too stern looking to seem and act approachable, too reserved to engage in social interactions. From whatever movies he’s seen or books he’s read, Levi has the outline of a kinkier person than the rest, but the fact clashes with the way Levi obsesses over cleaning, and how for the five years they’ve been living next to each other, he’d never seen another person coming or leaving. With that many toys it must mean that Levi has had experience, but without a partner there’s no way he could’ve acquired that. And if there is a way, Eren really doesn’t want to know. 

And yet all doubts aside, Eren is curious about it. Sure, he’s had a few relationships along the years and experienced for his own sake, but it was never something that could be considered kinky, or that involved any type of toys. Aside from hair pulling, everything else is new territory for him, and he doesn’t know if he wants to explore it or leave it unknown. 

Levi would be able to inform him about it, and Eren considers texting him in the middle of the night until he remembers _who_ Levi is. The fact that he’s seen this part of his personal life is as bad on itself, Eren doesn’t has to dig up his grave deeper; and there’s also the chance that Levi wouldn’t take it well either. He hasn’t snapped at him yet, and Eren doesn’t know if he will, but it’s better to never find out. 

“This is stupid.” Eren says into his pillow, squinting his eyes closed against it and trying to wash the thoughts away to sleep. There's an uncomfortable feeling in the pit of his stomach, not even once clearing away ever since he understood fully what those toys meant, and it makes him restless and tense. Levi being silent and indifferent about it doesn’t help at all. 

Finally, three hours before his alarm starts, Eren does fall asleep. But it’s as restless as his mind itself; Eren dreams everything in shadows and blurred figures, too messy to make out and hard to understand. But the essence of it is still clear; he’s hovering over someone, their eyes covered and clings of metal rattling against the bed. The person breathes hard, almost shallow around a black ball placed between their lips, chest heaving and sweat gathering at the base of their neck. Eren doesn’t try to think too much into it, passing through it just like a normal wet dream; and he really tries to ignore the beauty mark at the base of the neck, too similar to the one on Levi’s skin. 

✦✧✦ 

Four days go by and Eren does a great job out of ignoring his thoughts, which might work better now that he’s deliberately ignoring Levi at all costs. He knows his schedule, knows when he leaves and when he comes back, and so he stays in for an extra half an hour in the mornings before leaving for work, and in the evening, he spends more time outdoors, occupying his time with nothing till it’s pass seven. And it definitely works better because Levi is careful about crossing his path as well. There's always the ding of the elevator now before Levi unlocks his door, because he knows Eren would never choose the elevator over the stairs. 

It's only four days however, and luck can last them that much. It's lunch break on his shift, and Eren steps out of the convenience store to grab himself something to eat. He walks into one of the cafés not even checking the name, guided too much by his hunger to care, and settles into a chair to order. The tables are well polished with a glass mirror over the dark wood of the base, curved into a clean circle. The napkins next to the small plant in the middle of the table are encrypted with a small drawing of wings, something similar that Eren can’t quite pin-point in the moment. 

Someone is approaching, the steps light on the floor, and Eren keeps his eyes on the budget for what he wants to order without looking up, waiting for the waiter to speak. The steps stop abruptly when they reach his table, a screech on the wood of the floor as the feet remain stuck in their place. Eren frowns, moving his head towards the source of the noise when the steps continue a bit too suddenly, stopping sharply once the person finally comes next to his table. 

He lays the menu on the glass, finger already pointing his choice when the waiter speaks. “Didn’t think this is how we’ll speak again for the first time.” 

Eren freezes in his moves, finger pressing on the pages of the menu. Above it it reads _Wings of Freedom_ _café_ , with the signature of the wings drawing Eren had seen on the napkins, and the one he now remembers seeing a lot of before. He should’ve remembered that Levi’s tea shop was in the area, should’ve left the moment he realized the signature of the place was familiar. “What are you doing here?” he asked unintelligently while still keeping his eyes on the page underneath him. 

He heard Levi click his tongue, the sound quick and almost easy to miss. “I own this tea shop, Eren.” he said. _Tea shop,_ because that’s what it’s been on paper from the start, before the little project changed into something bigger. Eren doesn’t really care how he’s supposed to refer to Levi’s business, when the problem is that he’s made the mistake of messing up his plan of staying as far away as possible. 

Levi is leaning over the table when he finally looks away to face him. Half his face is covered by his black hair, frown deep on his face and lips pursed, but he’s not looking down at him. He's writing the order, where Eren’s finger is still placed under, and it’s clear that he wants to leave as soon as possible, had been clear ever since he stopped on his tracks while coming towards him. 

And Eren would’ve wanted to avoid this moment of reunion for much longer, but if they’re already in this position, there’s no need to hide anymore. This small detail about Levi’s life can’t be the one thing that ultimately drifts them apart, so— “The distance was beautiful as long as it lasted.” he said eventually, gliding his hand off the table and into his lap as he straightened his gaze on Levi. 

The other’s eyebrow raised, the side of his mouth quirking up for half a second before it fell back into a grimace. “Good to know you’re still a brat.” Levi tapped the tip of his pen firmly as he finished the order, flicking the notepad closed. His eyes focused sharply on Eren’s own, searching almost as if looking for something within them. It's confusing though, and Eren doesn’t know yet what could Levi be hoping to find in them. He blinks, and when his eyes open barely a second later, Levi is looking the other way, ready to leave. “We should keep this sort of distance for longer—” 

“Do you use them on yourself?” Eren blurs out. It comes out before he can think it through, words without thought, an assumption he’d come up with one of these nights. 

Levi stops talking suddenly, his head snapping towards him with such speed it nearly scared him. His eyes are wider than he’d ever seen them, glossier too, as if Levi’s having a hard time focusing his gaze back on him. “What did you say?” 

He says the words again in his head, finally making sense of them. Eren's cheeks flush involuntarily, clearing his throat awkwardly before rushing out an answer. “Sorry, I just. They're—what I think they are, right? And they’re usually used when two persons are involved, but _you_ aren’t involved with anyone. Right? At least as far as I know, so I just—it’s nothing wrong or weird if—” 

“Stop.” Levi said, his hand grabbing his shoulder firmly. “We’re not talking about this here. No, we’re not talking about this ever. The subject is already closed off, Eren.” 

He tilted his head so his words wouldn’t be heard outside of their space, trying to look Levi in the eyes even when he shifts his gaze all over his face. “I understand it’s a gentle subject, but still, I can’t act as if I hadn’t seen anything.” 

“It’s not your business to know anything about it.” 

“I’m just curious. About—you know. I've never seen or used anything like that before.” he whispered, avoiding eye contact as the sentence came to a halt. The hand around his shoulder felt heavier, fingers flexing around his flesh hard enough to sting. 

It seemed like it took forever for Levi to respond, his gaze burning on Eren’s skin. Then, “If you’re so curious just google it.” he said, his hand falling from his shoulder and coming to rest on the side of the table instead. 

Eren shook his head, pulling his lips into a discomfortable frown. “I don’t _know_ what to look for. And I don’t want to fall for wrong information either.” Levi looked back at him with a blank expression, forcing his rambling to stop. Eren swallowed, feeling the hotness around his cheeks and biting his tongue from talking more. It's true that he has questions, and the dreams coming around every night were enough to make him interested as well, but the person he’s talking to is still Levi. The problem is that Eren doesn’t has any filter when he’s talking face-to-face, hence why their distance would’ve been better to hold onto. 

“Forget it, it doesn’t matter.” 

He closed the menu, taking his phone out to act like he has something important to do with it, forcing Levi to leave. But, “I’ll send you a link.” Levi said before he went back at last, and Eren raised his head after him, watching his back with wide eyes. 

The text with the link, as expected, didn’t came very soon. The whole day passed with Eren focusing on the weight of his phone in his pocket, trying to make sure he won’t miss the buzz of a notification. In the end, the whole shift at the shop passed with no messages from Levi, and while at home, the activity from the other was still as silent to the point where Eren started to believe the other might’ve forgotten, or chosen to completely ignore him. Which—wouldn’t be that much out of character, but still rude even for someone like Levi. 

He thinks about knocking at his door, just to check whether he’d really forgotten about it in the few hours till now, but the impulse is gone as soon as it came. Eren doesn’t need someone like Levi to depend on, and especially he doesn’t have to wait for him in any way. Learning about something sexually related shouldn’t be that hard; there are sites and forums and groups. Eren can do it by himself and see if the restless feelings within himself would finally calm down once he concludes if it’s something to experience or not. 

He opens his phone as he climbs back into the bed from the shower, ready to search for himself when he sees the message notification at the top of the screen. He touches it, sensing how his chest tightens as he sees Levi’s name and forcing the unexpected feeling to die out. 

The text itself consists only in the link, with nothing more to accompany it. It's their first conversation in about a month and a half, and opening the link feels somewhat weird and exciting, like revealing the contents of an illegal site. 

_thank you, sir._

Eren types back, opening the link right afterwards. The response comes within seconds, and more shocking than that would be the fact that Levi actually _responded._

_Don’t say it like that, you’re making it weird._

Eren's lips tugged into a sided smile, opening the messages again; 

_it's already weird_

Eren closed the app again, not waiting for a respond that wouldn’t came either way. Instead, he re-opened the link, starting to read it from the top. It explained different types of sexual fantasies, different types of scenes to try and toys that would make the experiences more interesting and intriguing. The examples started off easy at first, close to normal just with a twist in the middle whether it be from the usage of a toy or from the level of intensity increasing. Later on, the examples became more and more challenging and extreme, leading up to another page about bdsm and its particularities. Eren doesn’t know in which category Levi would fall into, if he’s feisty or closer to the regular with which he’s familiar with. Judging by his cabinet, it might be anywhere from the middle to the end, and at the knowledge of it, Eren felt a short chill going through his spine. 

His dreams, needless to say, became more detailed afterwards. And at the very least, Eren concluded that he’s interested in it enough to try it out himself. The only problem which still stands is with who. 

✦✧✦ 

The next evening, Eren walks out with a clearer mind, confusing thoughts vanishing and leaving space for possible expectations. In truth, he hadn’t gotten laid in over a month, and the prospect of it being more exciting than the rest fuels something inside him, holding him on edge. 

He starts walking down the stairs as he puts his keys in his backpack, taking the curve and not paying attention as he bumps his shoulder with someone who’s coming up. He steps away from the wall as he gives the other person’s space, reaching a hand over to their arm to steady them back on their feet. “Sorry about that, I was—” he starts, but stops as he lowers his gaze into the other’s eyes and recognizes the fierce and icy color in them. 

Levi tilts his head to the side so his hair can wipe itself away from his forehead and looks directly at him. “Don’t trip other people on the stairs, brat.” 

Eren lets out a low groan, looking behind Levi at the long row of stairs below their feet. “I caught you.” he said, as if that’ll count for everything, looking on as Levi kept his stare on him for longer before he rolled his eyes. They fell back on Eren’s hand still around his biceps, eyebrows frown, and only then had he remembered it was still there, holding on tight not to let Levi fall back. 

He yanked his hand away, pushing it into his pocket. “Sorry,” he said, and then just before Levi could walk by— “Thank you for the link yesterday.” 

Levi's eyes twitched, relaxing back into a resting gaze as he asked, “Did it help you?” 

Eren let his face brighten, smile quick coming to his lips. “Yeah, it sounds really interesting! Should’ve told me about this sooner.” 

“I wasn’t planning on telling you anything about it. You barged your nose into it yourself.” he said calmly, leaning back into the opposing wall as he raises his head towards him. There's light coming in from the windows below, sunset washing on Levi’s face in faint and burning oranges, following the curve of his neck. His eyes moved low where the collar of the coat started, sunset lighting the small beauty mark on his skin, and something about it brought back unfocused visions lost between his dreams, pushing into his mind uninvited. 

He looked away to divert his mind from them, giving him what he hoped was a good enough apology smile. “Sorry, didn’t mean to, really. But don’t worry, I won’t ask anymore from now on.” 

Levi raised his eyebrows, looking genuinely surprised. “Really? Are you an expert now or did you get too scared?” he asked, lips slowly setting into a smirk. 

And while it’s true Eren had read some pretty scary scenarios, some that made the chills on his back insistent in fear more than excitement, the majority of what he’d read was actually really spellbinding. For someone new to this, he can truly say he’s enjoying finding out about more than just the theory. 

So, Eren shook his head and said, “Just interested for now, so there’s no need to ask you more about it when I can look for someone else.” 

And Levi—frowned, the expression in his eyes almost matching the jet-black color of his hair. “What do you mean?” he asked, crossing his arms across his chest and leaning towards him. 

Eren leaned back, shoulders almost brushing on the wall behind. He felt his neck slowly starting to flush, coming to the realization of their conversation. “I mean, you know.” he said, fidgety, looking at Levi’s cheekbone instead of his eyes. “I’ll find someone to try it out with. To tell me more, there’s no need to bother you with it much longer.” 

“ _Find_ someone?” Levi asked incredulous, his brows coming together. “Find them how?” 

“Levi, seriously—” 

“Answer.” 

Eren huffed a low breath, pushing strands of hair from his face and combing it on the back of his head with his hand. His voice was strained when he said, “Like, on an app? I downloaded one and—” 

“No.” Levi said before he could finish, shaking his head firmly at him. 

“No?” Eren asked, his hand dropping limp from his hair “What? Why not?” 

He could see the other’s jaw straightening, his teeth straining together as if forcing himself to remain quiet or willing himself to forget whatever he was going to say. The knuckles around his arms turned white, holding himself with force as if keeping himself on his feet. “It’s not the best.” he finally said through his teeth, sounding like a hard-to-understand growl. 

Eren pushed himself off to lean into his space, trying to get into the range of his voice to hear whatever he says better. “Why? Should I go to a club instead?” 

“No! Are you stupid?” Levi snapped, the force of his voice startling Eren. He looked back at him and huffed a long breath, closing his eyes shut and squinting his face before he talked again, “People on the internet are strangers, Eren. Even if they’re a part of a group chat or app specialized in these sorts of things, you might end up with someone who doesn’t care whether you’re new or not, or someone who doesn’t care at all either way and just wants to take advantage of you in any form they can. You're old enough to know it’s not well to rely on strangers, aren’t you?” 

Eren fell his lips dropping into a soft pout, rolling his eyes and looking down at the tips of their shoes facing each other. “Well, you just practically shut down any chances for me to try it out soon. I don’t know anyone I could trust with this.” he said in thought, starting to tap one of his feet down on the ground. 

He saw Levi’s own feet shifting, looking as if he’s trying to go up the stairs or walk back down, anything to get away from their situation. Maybe it became too uncomfortable; Eren can’t really tell with someone like Levi where to cut the line to not be awkward, and knowing how reserved Levi is, he realizes how painful this conversation must be for him. He inhales sharply and turns towards the way he was heading for, ready to apologize again when Levi talked, his voice calm and hoarse. “You can try it with me.” 

It was all it needed for Eren to stop dead in his tracks, eyes bulging wide as he looked at the other. The whole upper side of his face is hidden behind the curtain of his hair, and Eren can’t see the expression in his eyes or the frown on his face, can’t read anything from the rest of his features. His voice is too high when he asks, “What?” 

Levi raises his head, and nothing in his eyes seems amiss. “Just once. No attachments and no feelings in between.” 

Eren frowned, closing back his mouth and running his tongue fast over dry lips. “Have you ever done something like _that_ before?” 

Levi shrugs, like it’s no big deal at all. “Yeah,” he says, and Eren should’ve seen that coming. He doesn’t look like someone who’d do relationships, or who’d last in one for too long—the partner would surely be driven insane. 

Still, “I don’t know. It's weird, isn’t it? We know each other.” 

“That’s why it might be better for you. I wouldn’t try to take advantage of you, and you’ll be safe. These sorts of things can get pretty dangerous and scary, and if the other doesn’t care if you’re a beginner and just wants to release themselves, you’ll get to regret your decision in the end.” And while all Levi is saying makes sense, it’s still _Levi_. Eren might regret it either way, knowing how they could get with each other. 

“But it’ll still be weird, wouldn’t it?” he said, tucking a strand of his hair behind his ear. “We aren’t and had never been in a relationship.” 

“And I would never be in a relationship with you, brat.” Levi said sternly, sighing under his breath. He pushed himself from the wall, already turning towards their floor. “Do whatever you want. I'm just telling you that if you want to do it with someone you can trust, I'm willing.” he said, and it was on the tip of his tongue to say that he wouldn’t trust Levi either, but he himself knows that’s not true. 

And Eren is still too anxious to try it out, in whatever form. He wants to see if experiencing it in reality is as exciting as what he’s imagined it to be, and mostly it’s been a long while since he’s done anything at all. Normally he wouldn’t be so desperate to resolve in Levi, but with the opportunity at his door, it’s almost impossible to turn it down. 

“Fine,” he grits out before he can think better about it. Levi stops midway on the stairs, turns around to look over his shoulder at him. “Let’s do it. Once.” 

Levi gave a short nod. “Wouldn’t ask for a second round.” 

“We haven’t even had the _first_ one!” 

Levi kept his gaze on him, shrugging his shoulders and turning to fully face him from where he was standing. “When?” he asked. 

It made Eren laugh, matching the seriousness in Levi’s expression with a stern figure of a drug dealer. In some ways, both situations seem similar. “Tonight?” he asked, watching as Levi’s eyes widen and his mouth parted in a shocked expression. 

“Don’t you have work?” he asked, pointing at the backpack over his shoulder. 

It occurred only then to him that he does, indeed, have work. And that also, he’s almost certainly at least twenty minutes late. “Fuck, I. Yeah, you’re right.” 

Levi watched him for a short while, before his steps started coming down the stairs, reaching Eren’s space slowly. “This Saturday, at nine.” he scheduled, and then grabbed the back of Eren’s elbow to nudge him down on the stairs. “I’ll give you a ride. Try not to be so late all the time.” 

Eren shoved his arm from his hold, putting distance between them as they continued walking. “You kept me talking.” 

“You didn’t stop me.” Levi said as he moved forward ahead of him. Eren clicked his tongue, feeling in the bottom of his chest an unsettling mix of tight butterflies and sharp annoyance, making him dizzy as they advanced. There are two more days till Saturday, and Eren doesn’t think if he can take this nervousness any longer. And once him and Levi would be together, he can’t tell whether they’ll get through with it or drop the arrangement halfway. 

✦✧✦

The days pass by way slower than the previous ones. 

The reality of what Eren had agreed to came to him while on his night shift after Levi dropped him at the convenience store. He was in the middle of scanning a set of candles with lavender aroma when he thought that Levi’s sheets would smell of something just as nice, cleaned and fresh, and the awareness that Eren might get his nose stuck into his sheets came over him like the struck of a lightening. 

After that, he felt fidgety all the time. He couldn’t stop himself from acting anxiously, not when he was at work and neither when he was out with Mikasa and Armin for lunch, trying to avoid their questions and concerns with the ease of getting used to hiding his feelings. Mikasa doesn’t buy it, and Armin focuses too much on everything he says or does, trying to figure him out himself—but Eren knows by now how much to really let out to not make them worry. The hardest part in all of this is having to live within close vicinity from Levi himself. 

Eren chose to avoid him again, at least until the days run out and he’ll have to knock on his door to be faced with whatever Levi has in plan for them. However, it doesn’t seem to be the same for Levi—he doesn’t take the elevator to secure not passing by each other every morning or evening, which results in them knocking again on the stairs the morning of the second day. Eren passed him by with only a nod and a rushed _good morning,_ jumping off the next few steps to get to the front doors and exit the building before Levi had any chance of speaking. His heart is beating wildly whenever he walks by his door or when he hears the lock clicking shut, and it’s unnerving and stressful, and all he can hope for at the moment is getting this done for good. 

Saturday passed by like a blur, like a continuation of his dream, barely eating anything as he paced around in his house, checking the time and feeling as if the hours are chasing themselves to last less. At seven, he takes a quick shower, a bit self-cautious about the fact that Levi would get to see his naked skin. And then it came again, the reminder of how Levi really is, and how he’ll eventually see all of him within short hours. Eren doesn’t bother getting out of his bathroom, jumping back into the shower for a more thoroughly work. 

Once he’s out, he has a little more than half an hour to get ready. He feels nervous while getting dressed, as if meeting with Levi now is in a form of a date more than an arrangement; his fingers are shaking when he buckles his belt and his hair is already getting sleek with sweat over his forehead—but it’s still Levi. He knows it’s not someone he would ever want to be more than friends with, someone who agreed to have sex like it was a business deal. Eren would just learn if he enjoys whatever Levi’s into, and whether he likes it or not by the end of the night, it wouldn’t matter anymore that it was Levi the one who had sex with him. Nothing personal, nothing to get attached on or sensitive about. 

It just sex, and not the type where love is pushed far above pleasure. Eren can easily ignore that he’s doing anything sexually related with Levi if he takes those factors in consideration. 

At nine o’clock, Eren knocks on Levi’s door. His hands are steady again, secured in fists at his sides, and he’s determined more than anything else, ready to accept whatever it’s going to happen later behind the door. Levi opens it immediately, as if he too was anxious, having waited around the front door for Eren’s arrival. It doesn’t show on his face however; his eyes are bored and still hold the same icy look, lips pursed and thin into a straight line. He steps aside, letting Eren to come in. The air within the room is heavy as the lock comes shut again, atmosphere chilling and expectant. 

Levi comes around from his back, heading towards the coffee table in the living room and Eren follows him closely behind, biting his nails into the flesh of his palm to keep them from shaking. 

“Before anything, I want to discuss this with you.” Levi said, setting himself back in his couch visibly showing that he owns it, leaning back into it and crossing his legs leisurely. 

Eren looked around for a bit before he chose to stand into the armchair besides him. “Are you going to make me sign a contract, too?” 

“If you’d want to. Even though we’ll only be doing this once, and I'm sure we both know the dangers we’re willing to take.” Levi says, folding papers on the table and gliding them towards him. 

“You sound as if this is life-threatening. Loosen up a bit, Levi.” Eren sighed as he picked up one of the papers. It's a forum of sorts, multiple scenes laid out on display to choose from, with a box next to them where to cross his answer. Eren turned the page around to read on the other side as he said, “What is this? The menu?” 

Levi made a short laughing sound, wiping his palm across his mouth to stop it from coming out. “You’ll have to fill it in to know what you might find interesting. If we’re doing something you wouldn’t like, the experience will surely be affected. I'll give you my own once you’re done.” 

“You’re really experienced with this, aren’t you?” Eren breathed out, taking the pencil besides the paper and checking the box next to _power play._

"I wouldn’t say experienced.” Levi said as he opened his phone in favor of letting him think for himself. Eren appreciates it, the sense of dignity at least, though he was sure it wouldn’t have been a problem either way if Levi continued to look. “But I had a lot of partners before, and I know how it works and how it must be done.” 

Eren looked up at him, at the curve of his jaw lighten up by the glow of his screen. He seems so nonchalant about all this, as if nothing from it is new to him, and somehow the knowledge of that makes his chest tighten, loosing focus for a short while. “You’ve done the same for other beginners as well, haven’t you?” he asks, setting his pencil down on the paper and waiting for the answer. 

Levi looks up from his screen and raises his head, watching on with collected eyes. “At first, when I was starting to get into it. But then I moved on and found others who’ve been into this for longer than myself. I can’t deal with the beginners.” 

_Then why did you choose to do this with me?_ Eren wants to ask, yet instead saying, “So are you a top, then? Or a bottom?” 

“I’m switch. I don’t mind either, but for today I think it’ll be better for me to be the top, so you can see what I'm doing and how it feels to be in a submissive position.” 

“R-right.” Eren struggled to say, dropping his gaze back into his papers and rolling the pencil in between his fingers. It still feels weird, in any way you look at it; Levi is too calm and unimpressed and Eren is too anxious for something he surely doesn’t have to be, not when it’s Levi the one who’ll be taking care of him. But it’s just this, the fact that Levi _is_ going to take care of him what makes Eren so conflicted—it's not that he cares or feels anything special for him, it’s just that they know each other outside of what’s going to happen tonight. They'll meet each other at parties like the one a few weeks before, they’ll get along whenever their mutual friends would want to meet up, and they’ll be seeing each other every day as they go out or come back from work. They might even see each other during work, if Eren won’t stop to read the name of the café he’s walking into or if Levi would stop by the store to buy something before going home. There's no way for them to avoid each other for long afterwards, and the consequences of their actions might be too hard for both of them to deal with afterwards. 

His worries might’ve been palpable, or it must’ve shown on his face, because Levi starts to lean in towards him, stopping shortly and pushing himself back. Still, he says, “Don’t worry, I won’t hurt you. And after tonight we can both forget all about it.” Eren nods, checking in another box and reading down the list. 

After he’s done, they exchange the lists, and Eren is stuck on Levi’s answers for longer than necessary, reading them over and over, which can’t be of great help for when he’ll try to forget this happened at all. It's just—Levi has checked a lot on the list, and maybe it comes with the weight of his experience, but it still doesn’t fail to surprise him. “You said you’re not experienced in this.” he pouts, showing the pages and waving them in front of his face. 

“Yes, I'm not.” he said as he set Eren’s own papers on the table, looking back at his face. “But I'm versatile.” he pointed at the pages, crossing his arms on his chest; “You picked the easier ones mostly, but I wouldn’t try breath play for the first time. Are you sure you know what it means?” 

Eren felt his cheeks flush, looking away from him as he brought a hand to his side to cool them off. “How can you talk about this so...calmly?” 

“Nothing to be embarrassed about.” Levi said, even though Eren would disagree completely. “We have to choose the safe words. What do you want?” 

The sides of his cheeks cooled down to their natural color, and Eren kept his eyes off of him to maintain them like such for longer. He set his gaze on the red glow of the oven timer, trying to gather up his thoughts. “Traffic lights? The basic.” 

“So you know what each means?” 

He tilted his head towards him, huffing out an irritated sigh; “I said I read the link you’ve sent me. Of course I know what they mean, it was a whole article about safe words.” 

“Sorry. I thought your attention span would be too short to focus on that.” 

“Fucking—” Eren gritted out, turning around fully to look him in his eyes as he put three fingers into his face, counting down on each of them. “Green keep going, yellow slow down or take a break and red stop. It's not that difficult either.” 

Levi held his lips tightly, almost as if forcing them into their tight line, his eyes shining with something Eren would call amusement. “Should we get on with it, then?” Levi asked, pushing himself away to look into his eyes and wait for his confirmation. And suddenly, it all came back around in his brain, his thoughts short-circuiting for a moment as he stared back into Levi’s eyes. 

“We’re going straight to it, right?” 

He paused, looking at him up and down with gripping attention. “Yes. But I have a condition.” 

Eren tilted his head to the side, “What is it?” 

Levi looked back at him, steading their gazes. “No kissing, not even in the scenes.” 

His eyes widened, letting out a short huff through his lips. “I can manage that with no problem.” 

✦✧✦ 

It feels different being in Levi’s bedroom again, especially when the circumstances are the way they are right now. 

The room is darker than the first time he walked into it, with the curtains drawn apart to let the glow of the rising moon inside, falling in rivers over the bed. The sheets are a pure shade of white, clearly freshly cleaned, and Eren has the impulse to laugh at that, knowing how dirty sheets _could_ get, especially from what he’s seen checked on Levi’s list. 

The door closes with a soft cling. “Get up on the bed and take off your shirt.” Levi says behind him, and Eren jumps at the sudden sound of his voice, then grimaces at him over his shoulder, rolling them and trying to relax his strained muscles. 

“Don’t talk like I'm your slave or something.” 

“Would you like to pretend that we’re lovers instead?” 

Eren held a firm grip on the end of his shirt, taking it off his head and turning around to look blankly at him. His sleeves are still caught up around his arms, and he tugged the shirt off his wrists as he said, “Absolutely not.” 

Levi smiled, and it was so brief he barely missed it. “Just get into the bed and make yourself comfortable.” 

Eren nodded, turning away and climbing up as Levi walked towards the cabinet. Seeing it open for the second time, Eren can’t resist not tilting his head to try and see however much of its contents he’s missed the first time. Some of them are colorful, in blue or pink hues, but he can see that the majority of them are neutral, painted in black or white, almost as if fitting the rest of the room and reflecting something of Levi as well, in a way. As if the simplicity in them fits his mysterious personality. 

He waits as Levi searches in his drawer, watching the shape of his shoulder blades moving under the shirt. He's never realized it, maybe because Levi usually wears a jacket or another layer over his shirts, or maybe because he never paid attention to it, but his shoulders are wide and build with strong muscles. It's impressive, for someone his height, though Eren would never admit to it in front of him. 

“Remember the safe words, and don’t hesitate to use them. Even though I'll go slow on you, it might get too overwhelming if you’ve never done anything like it.” he said, closing the drawer back and coming towards the bed. Eren swallowed, looking down at his hands where Levi holds a string with a black ball attached to the middle, handcuffs and something large resembling a ring. His cheeks flushed instantly, the red travelling down onto his neck and up in the tips of his ears. He looked away as Levi placed them on the nightstand and opened the drawer below, feeling a slight dip on the bed as he pushed his knee up on it. “And try to relax. This is all about making you feel good even if I'm not going to do something inherently sexual. Just know that you can call this off at any moment—” 

“Wait,” Eren stopped him, focusing his eyes back on Levi even when his face is still burning red. The other waited for him to continue with a calm expression, his face still as pale as ever and eyes impassive, which—it’s just not fair. “You’re _not_ going to do anything sexual?” 

Levi set his gaze into a bored one, placing both hands on the sheets in front of him. “I’m not going to fuck you, Eren. It's just stimulation, I'm pleasing you and making sure you’re feeling good.” 

“What about you?” 

Levi frowned, his eyes squinting as he talked. “It doesn’t matter, like I said these are not always inherently sexual. You said you’ve read the link I sent you.” 

“I just...” Eren struggled to remember whether he read something about it, the memory of it completely blanked out in his head. “I think I forgot.” 

Levi snorted, pushing his other knee into the bed and sitting a few feet away from him as he placed the items in between. “Short attention span.” 

“Shut up. It's better this way, anyway.” 

“Of course it is. I wouldn’t have agreed to it if it meant getting intimate with you.” 

“Ouch. That hurt.” 

It's dark, and the light hits directly from Levi’s back so his face is covered in shadows, but still Eren can distinguish the small up-curve of his lips, held up for longer than usual. At last, Levi sets his mouth in a straight line again and grabs the black handcuffs, sliding his legs to get closer and leaning over him. Eren pushed himself back hurriedly, landing on his back with a huff to allow Levi more access above him. He shut his eyes as the other’s face appeared in his vision, closer than he’s ever been—and Eren had never noticed it, but Levi smells of oranges and rain. 

“Hold your arms up.” Levi says, and waits as he settles back better into the bed to raise his hands above his head. He feels his palms around his wrists, hot and steady and with long fingers, closing around them as if testing the skin for the handcuffs. The contact vanishes too soon, not lasting long enough to feel the weight of his palms pressing down on his wrists. The brief heat goes away quickly, being replaced by the cold steel of the handcuffs, and Eren tightens his eyes as he hears the cling of them locking shut. “Don’t try to move your arms. You can’t get free from these.” 

“That’s reassuring.” Eren huffed, feeling the bed at his sides dipping as Levi straddled himself on the base of his thighs and set his hands around them. He frowned as he tried to understand what the other was doing, moving his hips to try and shove Levi’s weight off him, but his hand came up on the side of his hip, gripping roughly in warning, and Eren stopped fidgeting altogether. Levi’s hand remained on his hip for a while longer, fingertips grazing the edges of his hipbone before he traced them down towards the buckle of his belt, hooking his fingers under it and working on taking his pants off. It seems obvious with this; Levi wouldn’t waste any more time. 

He scattered his pants on the floor, the sound of them falling too loud in the room. Levi's hands stopped moving, resting on the curves of Eren’s thighs, and the silence of all things makes him self-cautious about whatever Levi might be thinking. He keeps his eyes closed firmly, pressing the side of his face into the pillow so it could help cooling the blush down for him. Finally, his hands move away, the weight of his own legs lifting from Eren’s knees and coming back on the bed. 

“Huh,” Levi said, and it was enough for Eren to crack his eyes open, squinting them at him in annoyance. 

“What do you mean, _huh_?” 

He sees Levi shrugging, looking back at him from the curtain of his hair falling over his face. “Nothing.” he says, starting to lean closer and holding the collar with the ball in his free hand. “Open your mouth.” 

Eren rolled his eyes, moving his head back so they could face each other. “It feels like I'm doing this with a robot.” he watched as Levi narrowed his eyes down on him, putting the gag-ball into his mouth and moving the strap over his head, knotting it tightly enough to feel its pressure in the back of his scalp. 

“This,” Levi says as he presses two fingers onto the ball, pushing it until it hits his tongue and makes a muffled groan to come through, “is to shut you up.” Eren frowned, huffing around his gag and trying to articulate his swearing, but instead of words, what came out were longer groans strangled by the restrain in his mouth. He thudded his head on the pillow, biting his teeth around the ball and feeling the soft exterior of it as he straightened his jaw. 

“If you want to use the words, you can signal me by hitting your foot on my back. I'll release it from your mouth so you can speak.” Levi then pushed away and tapped the side of his thighs, the contact so sudden it made him jerk, a weak and faint sound coming out around the gag. “Knees up.” Levi said, and something within his voice made him shudder, feeling the chill running cold on the curve of his spine. He bit around the gag again with more force to keep quiet, legs shaking just for a fraction as he moved them up, and Levi’s hands followed suit just as he positioned his heels into the sheets, spreading his thighs apart to fit in the space between them. His sides are warm when Eren bumps his legs on Levi’s body, even though it’s fully clothed—the heat of it is palpable, radiating through his clothes and into Eren’s skin, and it’s enough to send him off. 

He doesn’t hear whether Levi said anything else afterwards, or whether he asked him to do something more with any of his limbs. He focuses all his attention on the shape of Levi’s body between his legs, strong muscles and narrow waist matching weirdly underneath his shirt, and the sudden thought of how Levi would look like naked takes over everything else that’s happening around him. 

He's never seen him vulnerable, just like Levi had never seen _him_ vulnerable—until now. And Eren had never really thought about how attractive Levi is or how his skin would feel under his touch, but having it within reach, right at the base of his feet, the images come filling his mind, hiding away anything else. He's so lost in thought that he doesn’t hear the lid of the lube opening, doesn’t sense Levi’s fingers tracing soft circles in the skin of the inner thighs, until there’s pressure from the other hand over his cock. It's soft and tentative at first, and then firmer, to pull him back on their track. Eren hadn’t even realized how excited all of this made him until now, with Levi’s wide and long fingers around him, tightening around the pulse of his veins. 

His hand is wet, smeared with a lot of lube that trails down over the sheets, making the pull of his fist around him easier and sloppier. Eren feels his chest tightening, his breaths harsh around the gag and sweat slowly tracing down on the side of his cheeks. He pressed his face into the pillow, raising his arm up enough to hide himself in the crock of his elbow, refusing to look at Levi as he worked his hand over him, thumb brushing the tip and then pressing down hard on the line of his longer vein. The curses sound like whines from his mouth, heart beating dully into the back of his eardrums. 

It doesn’t take long however for Levi to let go, the pressure and clench of his fingers disappearing in a flash. He's disoriented, legs shaking at Levi’s sides, and he blinks his eyes open just for a heartbeat, seeing the dark shadows in Levi’s eyes and the pink flush across the tip of his cheeks before cold envelops him where Levi’s hot hand was before. It's tight and large, closing around him like a ring, and Eren pushes his head back as the feeling of it surprises him, chest heaving uncontrollably. He squeezes Levi between his legs; he can feel it, holding the other with force and bringing him as close as possible, enough to keep him stabilized as the ring strangles the circulation in his veins and presses hard on his skin. It's a weird sensation, biting on his sensitive sides, but it’s not something Eren finds unbearable. It grips around him like a silver hand, slender and heavy, and Eren focusses on the strain around the ring to keep himself from coming, waiting for Levi’s voice to guide him through. 

Levi's hands press up at the sides of his head as Eren pulls him down, and with his eyes closed he can’t know how close they are to each other, barely inches away from bumping their noses together. The other hoists himself up, spreading Eren’s legs with his hands until they touch the sheets of the bed. “Stop moving.” Levi says, and Eren controls the rest of his body as best as he can, focusing on the command he was given. This time, he hears the lid opening again, waits for Levi’s fingers to touch him again with something close to anticipation boiling under his skin. 

“Ready?” Levi asks, which confuses him for a second, pushing his hips up towards him to show that he _is,_ nodding furiously for him to keep going. There was a sound coming from him, something caught between a laugh and a snort, but Eren doesn’t have enough time to discern the nature of it, his senses cut off when Levi pushes in a finger pass his rim, tracing it all inside till the knuckle. It's long, and being unprepared for it, Eren bites back a moan, trying to pull his hips away when Levi grabs his side with a firm hand, thrusting him back in the bed. “I said stop moving,” he says, close to a growl that makes Eren’s neck flush red, sigh long and broken coming through his mouth. 

Levi moved the finger inside, pushing it along his sides, the feeling of it alien yet warm, which means he must’ve heat up the lube before—a nice gesture, quite thoughtful of him, yet considering his experience with this it shouldn’t be as surprising. Eren feels his legs lifting slowly from the bed, spreads one further as he tries to hold himself up, breathing hard and feeling bitter saliva gathering in the corners of his mouth. Levi takes his finger out entirely, waiting for what feels like a full minute for Eren to calm down, fingertips brushing around the circle area of his entrance to keep the sensitive skin tense. 

Eren breathes hard once, then twice, feels his chest raising from the bed and coming down with a harsh huff. And then he nods, quick and determined, and Levi takes it for what it is—what it’s supposed to be. 

He pushes in two fingers, parting them inside and thrusting them in and out, moving at a fast pace that almost makes him lose the control of his breathing, thighs shaking flush on the bed. His hands form into tight fists, holding onto strands of his hair and he pulls on them hard until his scalp starts to sting from the pain. He hears Levi shift, leaning over for something besides his head, taking his hand away from his hip. Eren uses it as an opportunity, pushing his hips back into Levi’s hand as the next thrust came through, feeling it deep inside. It propelled him higher on the bed, leaving his weak legs to rest as he comes back from the force of it. The other stopped suddenly after the sharp movement, a huff coming out from his side as he sinks his fingers in deep. 

Eren waits impatiently for the other to react, holding himself up for his next move, and then Levi curves his fingers slowly inside, pushing them deeper and teasing the tip of his third finger along the wide entrance; “I told you to stop moving, brat.” he said, right into his ear, making him shiver as a whimper came out loud and clear between them. 

Levi leans away and for the first time Eren wants him to come back closer, wants to hold him so close they can feel their individual heartbeats matching together. 

His hand comes back to rest on the hip again, with greater force, meant to leave bruises for days to come—which shouldn’t be allowed, knowing they’ll both have to forget this ever happened in the first place. Eren doesn’t have the strength to notify him on it however, his full body slack of power as he spasms with the pleasure. Something beeps right between his legs, and Eren makes a surprised sound as the ring around him starts vibrating, taking up speed in time with Levi’s fingers inside him. Eren throws his head back on the pillow, feels the bones in his spine ache as he arches his body off the bed, and all the strength he has left is used only for this—to writhe underneath the other, feeling the press of Levi’s fingers everywhere. 

He feels the stimulation raising from both sides, the feeling in the pit of his stomach so heavy and overwhelming that it warms him from inside-out, making all his senses clear and opened wide. Saliva is trailing down on his chin, pooling on the face of the pillow sheet as he pushes his cheek into it to keep from gasping out loud. His legs shake, the pressure holding down on his chest becoming heavier with every new thrust, and Levi’s hand is cold when he pushes him down on the bed again, fingers going to wrap around the gag and nudge it out of his mouth. 

Eren takes a full inhale of air as his mouth is freed, gasps coming out erratic and hurried as he tries to focus on the course of his breathing. He feels Levi’s hand on his cheek, fingers pressing into his skin and thumb wiping away whatever wet traces he might’ve had in the corner of his lips. “Eren.” he said, and Eren felt chills on the hairs of his skin as he heard him, a small whimper breaking through his teeth. “Eren, look at me.” 

And—Eren doesn’t want that. There's a reason why he’d kept his eyes closed all this time, stubbornly shutting them away from the reality of what they’re doing. Eren doesn’t want to see how Levi looks like, he doesn’t want to know how he is when he’s like _this,_ not when it’s an only time thing and him and Levi have no lasting attachments with each other. It might mess up his plans to forget about it, it might even completely make it impossible for him to forget, keeping the memory of Levi’s face for wet dreams and drunken nights. But in the end, Levi had already seen him naked, he’s already heard him whimpering and felt his skin trembling under his fingers, vulnerable and weak. If anything, for Levi it would be harder to forget all this, and Eren can’t really allow himself to leave all the hard work and burden to him alone. 

Levi presses his hand down on his throat, thumb tilting along the bone with pressure, and Eren opens his eyes to look at him, vision blurred by eyelashes and tears he wasn’t aware had gathered up inside. Levi is all but a blur before him, face covered in deep shadows and shoulders arching towards him, and there’s a combined sound that matches Eren’s sharp gasp, followed by a deeper thrust against his sides that made him topple over the edge. 

“Keep going, you’re alright.” he could hear Levi mumble, almost as if for himself more than for him, fingers tracing his insides with sharper and more powerful moves. His moans—now without the gag to muffle them shut—fill in the whole room, high and desperate, and Eren wonders how it were possible for him to never hear anything on the other side of the wall. 

It doesn’t matter, not now when it’s _him_ the one sitting on Levi’s bed and gasping. Eren visibly shivers when he thinks about this particular change for the both of them—uncalled for, irradicable, made in the heat of the moment with unknown consequences—and he prompts his heels into the bed to raise his hips up to meet Levi’s hand again, any rational thoughts thrown out their grasp. 

When he looks back at Levi, his face is clearer, moon shining in through the windows and falling over his forehead, pooling light down into his eyes. They're wide and darker than he’d ever seen them be, with dilated pupils and a hazy stare, and the sudden realization that Levi hadn’t been touched at all during all of this hits him unexpectedly. 

“Eren,” Levi says, and his name comes out like a moan, low and dragged, full of still arousal. Eren closes his eyes against the force of Levi’s voice, keeping him strained on the bed, and then— “come for me.” It’s all that Eren needed, just the push from Levi to do something, his voice guiding him through. Eren lets out a content sigh, feeling the other’s fingers pulling the ring undone from him the moment he comes, sensing multiple after-shocks cursing through his body. 

They both breathe for a moment, heavy chests raising in tandem, waiting for the tension between them to cool down. He feels the heat of the other’s body as Levi leans over him, hands around his wrists again, squeezing just for a second before they unlock the handcuffs. He huffs a breath into his ear, warm and shooting, right before pulling away with dragged limbs. “You did a good job.” Levi said, and Eren let out a quiet hum, squirming deeper into the warmth of the bed. 

He feels hands on him again, gentler and careful as he cleans him up while he slips from consciousness, raising his body carefully and keeping a warm blanket over his shoulders. Levi gets up from the bed to throw the napkins away once he’s finished, the side where he’s been taking up a cold chill as the heat of his body disappears. Eren frowns and turns on his side, legs still aching and insides burning, opening his eyes tiredly and looking at Levi’s shadow as he comes back to the bed. 

For a short moment he thought the other would climb in with him, dropping the blanket over both of them and tucking in for sleep. But Levi stands on the edge, head turned over his shoulder to look at him with cool eyes—and Eren remembers _that_ would never happen. 

“How are you feeling?” Levi asks, waiting patiently as Eren blinks away the confusion and delirium from his eyes to come back into their own world. 

He shrugs, feeling a smile forming on his lips. “I liked it, just as I told you I would.” he pushes his cheek into the pillow, looking up at him with one eye closed and grinning. He can’t see the other half of his face hidden behind his shoulder, but Levi’s eyes narrow into a squint as he looks at him, expression gone as soon as he closes his eyes and shakes his head forcefully. 

He moves his hand over Eren’s shoulder, briefly shaking him as he says, “Get up, I have to clean all this.” pulling a grimace on his face. Eren huffs tiredly, slapping his hand away, but he does get up following Levi out the door, walking on too shaky legs. 

“Stay on the couch.” Levi says from the kitchen, his voice clear and deep through the space, and Eren’s legs almost gave out under the influence of his tone. He leans flat on the couch, resting his head on one of the pillows and pushing his feet over the edge of it as he closes his eyes against the dim light of the living room. Like this, with eyes closed and the warm press of the pillow under his head, Eren can imagine that he’s in his own home, with the tv still on after he fell asleep watching a documentary series. And the pretense of it lasts at least until Levi comes back again, setting a cup of warm tea on the table for him and prompting his laptop on Eren’s stomach. “Watch something and drink the tea. I’ll be right back.” 

Eren watched him go, frowning down at the laptop in his hands. He checks the time on it, seeing how late it actually is, but the moment he tried to get back up, the muscles in his legs strained and ached, burning down on his thighs. He huffed, listening in for Levi’s steps coming back to check on him, but hearing nothing, he rested his head back on the pillow, opening Netflix and choosing one of the movies he’d saved for later. 

When Levi is done, half an hour later, he comes back into the living room to rest in the armchair besides him. Eren pauses the movie, starting to get ready to leave, but Levi’s hand on his wrist made him stop, looking up at the other in confusion. 

“Stay until you’ve finished your movie and tea.” Levi said to him, letting go of his wrist where Eren can clearly see now the irritated pink skin, circling the thin shape of his arms. 

“Okay,” he says, instead of asking why, because he’s still too tired to understand anything either way. And Levi stays with him until the movie ends, sipping quietly from his own cup of tea and stealing glances at the screen while reading one of his books—and while it does make Eren wary, he doesn’t feel uncomfortable in any way. Rather, it’s the exact opposite somehow, with Levi standing next to him within reach. It's calming, in a way Eren had never thought standing alone with Levi would ever be. 

Once the movie is over, Eren shuts down the laptop and sets it on the table, freeing himself from the heavy blanket Levi draped over him in the middle of it. Levi looks up at him as soon as he gets up, closing the book gently in between his hands; “Are you leaving?” It wasn’t a rude question, by the sound of his voice. Eren nodded and tried to skip in his step, seeing if the stability in his legs came back to him. 

“Levi,” he said as soon as he was on his feet, turning around to face him. “Thank you, really. For doing this for me.” 

Levi's nose scrunched up, his eyes squinting as he looked away, and it might’ve been just the trick of the light, but it looks like the tips of his cheeks are tinted red. “It was nothing.” 

“Sure was,” Eren argues, turning around to walk towards the door, but then— “We should do it again another time.” he said, with no filter to stop him from getting it out. He stopped in his tracks, the meaning of what he said coming to him rapidly, heating up the skin of his neck. 

He pressed a palm on the back of his head, turning around to dismiss the idea as a joke, but as their eyes met again, his words died up on their way, stuck back in his throat. Levi was watching him carefully, his eyes still a bit clouded and dark, expression light with a pink shade of a blush over his cheeks. He opened his mouth, but instead of the _get out_ he was expecting to hear, Levi said, “Are you serious?” 

And—that changes things completely. 

Eren swallows thickly, throat burning, but he does feel bolder in the aftermath of what they’ve done, knowing there’s already no way of coming back from it now. Levi had seen him at his most vulnerable and weak moments, which makes it unfair for Eren in the first place; and also, it wouldn’t be so bad to have someone that’s willing to go with his own rhythm to experience this new side of his sexual life. 

He feels his lips twitch, the boldness spiraling under his skin as he says, “It wouldn’t be so bad if I could help you get off as well sometime,” and then he rushes out the door before Levi can shout out to him or ask anything else in advance, his chest heaving with both fear and excitement. 

And in reality, this was all Levi’s idea from the start. Whether he wants to take on Eren’s bidding depends now only on him. 

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading! :))
> 
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